A Spark

It started as an inner nudge. Something both vaguely familiar and yet altogether unknown. But it nudged and it nudged and it nudged until it could not be ignored. Until it became a part of her, a new one, poking and prodding for attention. It ignited both annoyance and curiosity, because she had been in the dark numbness, on autopilot, feeling nothing, for so long. 

And yet, it nudged.

Finally, reluctantly, she paid it attention, this insistent gnawing within her. She focused on it, beyond irritated to do so but unable not to. As she sat with it–this needling, this inner vying for attention, this message that needed to be received–her irritation turned to curiosity, and then to understanding. Because it wasn’t so much a nudge inside of her like she had first thought, it was something else, something much more than that.

It was a spark.

A spark of life, of anti-numbness. A spark of yearning, for more, to feel, to be happy, to be alive, to love. A spark of hope, because despite everything that had happened, and how much it had hurt, how much it had battered her and beaten her down, how much it had taken from her, she had persevered. She had risen again, and it may have taken a while for her to be reborn, but it was happening right now, at this very moment.

As she embraced this, all of this–the anti-numbness and the yearning, the memories of her hurt and her new hope, her rebirth–the spark fanned into a flame, and then a full-fledged fire. The fire became a bright light within her, effervescent and blinding. Healing and cleansing. Not so much extinguishing the darkness completely, because it would always be a part of her and her experience, but now she could see through it, beyond it, and she smiled.

She smiled and she closed her eyes, placing her hands over her heart. This was the place where the nudging had started, where the spark had first glowed to life, reborn after so long, just like she was now reborn. She held that place gently, reverently, feeling and coveting the energy within her–the life, the love–and she knew without knowing how she knew, that she was okay, and all was well.

And she smiled bigger.

The End